omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize