He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
