I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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