sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
