i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
