Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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