never play flip cup with pint glasses
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
