this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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