How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
