Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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