I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize