WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize