I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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