I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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