Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
