then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
