It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
