If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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