and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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