I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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