i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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