Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
