I want to stick my p in your. b.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
