You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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