tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Who put my cat in the fridge?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
