Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
