How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
