he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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