No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
