So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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