We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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