I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
