Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
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