Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
