first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
