covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just invented taco cereal.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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