there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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