apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
