Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
