never play flip cup with pint glasses
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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