so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
