holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
