i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We got so high we made milksteak
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
