dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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