Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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