we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
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