i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
