Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
