just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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