I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize