And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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