It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
