in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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