seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
