Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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