Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
