the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
