somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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