You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
