she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
