I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
