I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
