I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
