I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
