That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
