I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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