all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
