I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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