I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
