Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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