Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
