My hand turned me down
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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