So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize