When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
