I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
