Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
3pm strippers are depressing
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
