saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
