I think i peed on brittanys purse
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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