She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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