So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
