so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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