Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
They should really pass out barf bags in church
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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