it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
