of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
