Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
