I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
