so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
