guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
