i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
