New low: just hacked my moms facebook
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
