we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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