Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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