I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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