apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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