Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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