just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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