So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
