Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
