who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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