it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
