Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize