I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
