also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
