Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
