I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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